On why I haven’t gone to the doctor

We left off somewhere with the ultimate cliffhanger: my “good” PET scan was not clean and OMG is it still cancer? Tune in for next week’s episode.

Next week came and went. And then another week. And another week.

My plan is to seek a second opinion from a Hodgkin’s specialist at Dana Farber. My surgeon and radiologist didn’t seem nearly as concerned as my oncologist, which makes me feel a little better, but even more confused about next steps. There is just so much research and scheduling to do in order to pick the right doctor (and not just pick the lymphoma specialist who went to my alma mater because that means I trust him more), make sure my records are all transferred (or not? I don’t understand Partners), schedule an appointment, get the guts to drive to Dana Farber, yadda yadda yadda.

I’m just exhausted of all of this cancer shit. Until you have gone through it, you cannot imagine how mentally exhausting it is to deal with the whole back-end of cancer. Yes, chemo and surgeries are crap. All of the scheduling and decision making? About 1000 times worse. Pile on a full time job, school, volunteering, and trying to have a semblance of a social life and it just seems impossible.

It will happen. For right now, I just need to live in the moment. I know many of you have been asking about what’s going on and that’s just the best answer I can give you.

Posted in Personal Stuff, Survivorship
2 comments on “On why I haven’t gone to the doctor
  1. caroline says:

    big hugs. F*ck the cancer roller coaster. I really hate it. It is an huge emotional stressor and it never goes away. I also read your pink post… Pinkification is ridiculous these days. What about other cancers is right. I also had thyroid cancer and September is thyroid cancer awareness month too. I didn’t see squat for it either. The pink is out of hand. See the article in today’s Boston Globe on it. Somewhere in the front section. Big hugs to you.

  2. I missed the pink part, I haven’t read that far but I’ve gotten the jist, I am so burnt out on it as well….but before I found out just over a month ago that I have Hodgkin’s I was sick of hearing about cancer in general as there are so many other health issues out there. Ironically I now have it…maybe you’ll check out my blog…I’m a 32 year old female that basically was told I had a month to live about three weeks ago if I didn’t start chemo so naturally I started chemo…anyway, maybe I’ll read some more, I’m exhausted at the moment….thanks for writing…..

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